Filed under: Illness and Injury, Mi familia, The H Word | Tags: c-section, small birthweight
Well, I spent a good deal of time praying, worrying, and cleaning (yeah, I know…it was nice to stay busy) last night, and Mike and I stayed up playing Scrabble because I just couldn’t go to bed without any news. I feared the worst for hours because we weren’t hearing anything about the situation. Finally sometime close to midnight, Mike’s mom called and said that everything is okay. We have another nephew and he is TINY! 4 lbs 11 oz and 17 in. long! Being two and a half weeks early obviously has something to do with this, as his older brother was only two days early but weighed 5 lbs 8 oz.
The irony is that the crisis got me to clean my bedroom – it’s not done, but I made great progress last night while I was waiting for news. I thought it we went to bed I wouldn’t be able to sleep. Then after we had gotten the good news and finished our game, I couldn’t fall asleep. I told myself that since the kids had been sleeping in until nine or nine-thirty the last few days, it wasn’t so bad – even if it was after two when I fell asleep, they’d sleep late and I could get seven hours of sleep at least. Well, I was awake before eight and couldn’t go back to sleep – thinking about that new baby, of course. They’re not here in town, but forty minutes away, so I was trying to determine how I might be able to see them while they are still in the hospital. And…trying to figure out what to do about my midday appointment today. It’s a pre-anaesthetic clinic and takes about an hour. The original plan was to have Mike stay with the kids through his lunch break and then have my neighbour come over when he had to go back to work. Now he’s working at the gravel pit for the day, which means he won’t be coming home for lunch at all. So I have to do some thinking and calling around to figure something out.
Add to all this my own personal stress, swollen face and pained jaw and I seriously need a vacation.
Today is not a good day. I have too much on my mind, too many things to do, not enough in my stomach and not nearly enough patience or clear thought to work through it all. I have six days before I go for more surgery and I still have so much to do. Meals must be made and frozen, the house must be cleaned decently, groceries must be stocked up.
Erik won’t sleep because he had a short nap earlier today in the car and then when I brought him inside. It’s my own fault. I should have woken him up instead of letting him sleep. This happened yesterday, too. I have insane pressure in my head and pain in my jaw and this awful feeling at the back of my throat that will not go away. I can’t decide if that part is something related to my wisdom teeth coming out, or my tonsils needing to.
I would love to do something really mindless right now. Or relaxing. But in the background is Erik crying and crying. And I’m not really sure if I can just let him cry today.
I also discovered that while Erik will not drink much milk from a cup, he will drink it from a bottle, which is nearly heartbreaking for me. I am so not a bottle person and didn’t want to be. Now I’m worried that if he needs something more than solid food when I’m having my surgery, he’ll have to be given a bottle. I don’t want bottle-fed children!!! My babies are breast babies!
In addition to all this, I am getting worried that my swap package is lost in the mail somewhere in the states. I have insurance on it, but no tracking numbers, so I have no idea where it is. My partner’s package for me is also not here yet. I mean, it seems a little trivial compared to the rest of it, but getting my package or my partner getting hers would cheer me up a bit.
I’m not on serious pain medication, but I feel like I am because my brain doesn’t feel quite right. I feel fuzzy, and I’m guessing it is from lack of sleep. Erik slept with us last night and I think I’m just going to let him do it for the next six days. I may have to wean him cold-turkey depending on how I’m doing after surgery, so I may as well give him what he wants now. I end up sleeping more if I leave him in bed with us than if I keep putting him back to bed or refusing to feed him.
I think I’ll go get a book, bring Erik into the backyard and use my nice comfy chair for an hour or so. I won’t have much longer than that because Mike will come home and I’ll have to come inside, do dishes, make supper and take care of things I’ve been avoiding all day.
Sorry this is such a downer. I just needed to vent.
At this time four years ago, I would have been enjoying more of my first day as a mommy. Jenny is four today! I can’t believe how fast time flies and how fun she is becoming the older she gets. She talked all day about it being her birthday, but didn’t quite get that today is not the day of her birthday party. That is happening on Friday, so she’ll have to wait for her cake and presents, although we did give her one thing today from us.
As for other events of the day, I finished my craft swap items!! I’m so excited to send them off! And…drumroll please…
I cleaned my laundry room! Actually, that happened yesterday, but still..it got done. It was probably the messiest room in my house, so this is a very big deal. It is a hard thing to admit to some people, but for the last few years, it hasn’t been cleaned at all and we’ve barely been able to get out the back door. Actually, when we’ve had people over for parties in the backyard, we’ve just moved everything into our room temporarily and then moved it all back afterward. With Jenny’s party coming up, I didn’t want to do that all over again. Two weeks from now, we’ll also be having a party for Erik, so it was doubly important to get it cleaned and organized. I can’t believe how much better it looks now! I’m so happy! Now I just have to clean my desk, my bedroom (another big job) and the entryway to the house and I’ll be pretty happy with the way things are.
All this cleaning has another purpose – ease in moving when the time comes. It could be more than a year away, but when we bought this house, we moved very quickly on it – hearing about it at the end of the month and moving before the end of the next month. And that was with one very small baby only – so moving with three active kids will be a different story. I want to be ready to pack up and move if an opportunity comes up for us to buy a bigger place, and having a very messy house will not make that easier.
Well, I’m off to watch some Star Wars with Mike – I bought the special edition set of the final three episodes at a garage sale (as in, the old ones). It’s been ages since I’ve watched them and this is our third day trying to get through episode four. 
Goodnight!
In my heart, I know that each day is new and that the things challenging me today may well be gone or changed tomorrow. Each morning I can look at the day with optimism and motivation to get things done. Motivation to be a better mother – to yell less and hug more. To leave the house cleaner than when I got up. To spend more time in creative outlet than laziness.
This all sounds so easy. It sounds achievable. However, life with three children under four doesn’t allow for such optimism on most days. I can be as optimistic as I want, but it does not mean that my youngest will let me put him down all day, that my two year old will be nice to his siblings and not wet his pants and that my nearly four year old little girl will do as she’s told and clean her room without throwing a tantrum.
At the moment, I’m listening to Jenny crying about as loud as she can, Elias yelling something from under the crack in his door, and Erik whining while he jumps in the jolly jumper. I’m drinking a chocolate peanut butter banana smoothie. It just sounded good and I assumed I could drink it in peace. Apparently I was wrong.
You wouldn’t know it, but my entries are frequently written over the course of the day, or at the very least, an hour or so. Yes, there are time when I am uninterrupted and can dash one out in ten minutes. This is not that kind of day. I decided it was time to make lunch – mashed banana for Erik and Sponge Bob alphaghetti for the kids. Their room is still not clean, but the plan at the moment is to take Erik in there with me and feed him while they clean. They definitely do a lot better when there’s someone there the whole time to coach them a bit. They can all go to bed just as soon as that’s all done and then I can hopefully have two hours to myself to do whatever I feel like doing. Well, maybe not whatever, but almost. First I’ll have to decide whether I’m awake enough to do anything, or if I’d rather just have a nap while they are.
Erik has been very strange at night lately, waking up around his normal time (sometime around two) and eating, but then crying in his sleep and squirming terribly. It seems to help if I put him back in his bed rather than keep him in ours, but then he’s awake an hour later. I tried letting him cry last night, but it went on too long for me to ignore. I don’t know if he’s teething, or what, but I really wish it would stop! I can get more than eight hours of “sleep” and be quite tired in the morning because of it.
Well, nearly another hour has passed and the kids have had their lunch, Erik has been nursed and the room is clean…enough. I couldn’t stay awake while I was in their room, though, and ended up sleeping curled up on the toddler bed while they were cleaning. I think I’d better at least do dishes, but then I think I’ll be smart and have a nap.
Adieu.
Filed under: Art, Illness and Injury, The H Word | Tags: crafts, housekeeping
Life as of late has been rather busy lately. And a bit lazy as well.
Oh, you want more details, do you?
Okay, then. I have had another bout of tonsillitis, thus the laziness, although it’s not really fair to call it that. It’s very important laziness, leading to a full recovery. I have also had sick children coming out of my ears (not literally – that would be really bizarre and I imagine quite painful). As of my last post, Erik was sick. I took him to the doctor and was told that he has asthma. I was warned that he would probably develop it, but didn’t know it would happen so soon. He now has an inhaler and a baby aero-chamber to get him to breathe it. Thankfully it seems that he only has trouble breathing when he is sick, so it may not be something we deal with very often. Jenny and Elias have both had ear infections, although Jenny’s seemed to clear up on its own without medication. Elias is currently on antibiotics and a ridiculous schedule for taking them. Whoever makes these things up has got to be missing part of their brain. The amoxicillin I have to give Elias must be given every eight hours. During the day, this is no big deal, but if I want to give it to him while he is awake, I would have to give it at six in the morning, two in the afternoon and ten at night. I know there are people who keep their kids up late or get them up early, but who does both?! I imagine that the person responsible for the dosing guidelines on this medication did not have children.
Anyway, rant over. The productivity of the past few weeks has mostly been in crafting. I’m signed up for a craft swap on Craftster..yes, I mentioned that already. I’ve been working on the items for the swap with most of my free time. I’ve now finished slightly more than half of my scavenger hunt. I would give details, but in case my partner is stalking my blog, I won’t yet.
I haven’t only been crafting, however. I have also dabbled in cleaning my house. Dabbled is the word because I really haven’t done much other than upkeep. However, last night, I cut the kids nails and didn’t bother putting them straight in the trash – this was a good way to force myself into cleaning the bathroom floor. A simple vacuum or sweep turned out to be only the start. I cleaned the bathroom top to bottom and managed to clear out quite a few things that were really contributing to the mess in there. When I’m on a roll like that, it doesn’t matter what time it is or how tired I get. I didn’t go to bed until two in the morning, but my bathroom is practically sparkling. Even better, I did it in a good mood, so it’s not a bad memory. I have bad memories of cleaning parts of my house that are completely related to the mood I was in when I was doing the cleaning.
Anyway, that’s all for now as far as updates go. Now that I’ve finished the most time consuming part of my craft swap, I feel like doing something a bit easier for a change.
Filed under: Art, Home Sweet Home, Life, in general, The H Word | Tags: goals, to do list
A list of goals:
Clean up my house. Yes, you read that right, no need to fiddle with the monitor.
Finish craft projects already started before starting new ones. This is going to be incredibly difficult for me, but I’ve got way too many half-finished projects hanging about right now. I have a list of them somewhere and I’m sure I have more to add to it by now.
Update Itchy Fingers with all the new crafts I’ve done in the last month.
Gradually work on the scavenger hunt craft swap that I signed up for on Craftster.
Blog somewhat regularly here without spending too much time on the computer…..and….
Spend less time on the computer and more time actually working on the non-computer related goals on this list. As it is, I spend a great deal of the day on here and it is something I need to change.
We’ll see how well I do with this little to-do list. I don’t have a great track record with check lists, but at times, I have been known to complete half of one. Cleaning is at the top, so maybe I’ll get that far at least.
Filed under: Faith, Life, in general, The H Word | Tags: abundant life, John 10:10
For a reminder of what I am doing this month, read this post.
John 10:10
“The thief comes only to kill and steal and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.” NASB
I’ve tacked the NASB (New American Standard Bible) at the end there because while this verse comes from Air1, I wanted a different version than what they were using (the NLT).
I could focus on the first half of this verse, and I had actually planned to. But I don’t want to give the enemy any more time than he has already had. He comes to steal, kill and destroy. That is enough for us to know – to know that we cannot be his friend, no matter what some people may think or say. I would rather focus on the second half – that Jesus came to give us life – and not just life, but abundant life.
The best way I know to describe abundance is to think of a table set with food for a meal. A table ready to host a meal could have very simple things on it – bread, a bit of meat, some cheese maybe, water, fruit and vegetables perhaps. An abundant table, however, would be covered in the best foods – the makings of a gourmet meal, a plethora of choices for us to satisfy any taste we might have. Think buffet style, but really great quality to boot. Our lives could be like the first table and we would survive. We could have life in a number of different ways – one resembling a bare table: the life without Christ, one with meager offerings: the life with Christ but lacking any excitement or growth, or this last table: one overfilling with beauty, intimacy with Christ, joy, peace, love. It is this last life that Jesus came to give us - not just the life that brushes up against Him, but the life that entwines with Him.
I think the key word in thinking about abundant life is joy. Joy is possible even in the worst circumstances when we have relationship with Christ and are accepting and desiring of this abundance. The difference between happiness and joy is huge – happiness is fleeting, but joy is everlasting. When I have felt drained of joy, I have been out of touch with Christ.
So how do we have this abundant life? First and foremost, we must accept Jesus as Saviour and turn from our sins. But the journey of course does not stop here. We must seek to move from infancy in relationship with Christ to maturity in this relationship. As we mature and grow and make time for Him each day, we will begin to experience this abundance. It may not necessarily be visible to us in this world (i.e. wealth, popularity, health, etc.), but we can feel that abundance deep down in us in the form of joy and peace.
I hope to someday be living the abundant life more often than not. Unfortunately, I, like many others, tend to focus too much on the here and now and not enough on eternity. I focus on piles of laundry, my tiny little house, disobedient children, illness and unfulfilled desires. I ought to focus on what impact this part of my life will have in eternity. Have I spoken a kind word to someone in need? Have I fed the poor, cared for the widow and orphan? Have I been looking beyond the material world and into the spiritual? It is another lifelong journey, just like that of putting to death the old and sinful man – it is not something we can expect to be good at immediately.
At the moment, I would like to focus on my incredible fatigue and the overwhelmed feeling I get when I look around me at my home. I know better, though, then to stop on those thoughts. I can give these things to God, lay them at His feet and move on. Think on what He has blessed me with, the abundance I live with each day of my life. When I think about these things, the material world seems very inconsequential.
This verse of the day comes from Air1.
For a reminder of what I am doing this month, read this post.
Luke 6:43-45
“For a good tree does not bear bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit. For every tree is known by its own fruit. For men do not gather figs from thorns, nor do they gather grapes from a bramble bush.
A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart brings forth evil.
For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.”
What is in our hearts will surely be brought to light in one way or another. If there is good in our hearts, it will show itself in the fruits of our lives – our actions and words towards others, our attitudes about circumstances and situations, and the decisions we make. In my own life, I can only hope to find good in my heart by the good in my actions. When my heart is holding bitterness, anger, deceit, etc., it is made known through my words and actions. It is not easy to say “I love you” to my husband and kids when these things fill my heart. It is easier to get angry, lash out verbally or close myself off from them if my heart is full of bad things.
One thing I have had to learn over time is that cleanliness is not necessarily close to Godliness. Many people mistake this for a Bible verse and use it on their kids in order to get them to clean their rooms, wash behind their ears or do chores. A clean heart is so much more important than a clean house. Thankfully, a clean house often follows a clean heart, and I find that when I’m on track with God, it is easier to be on track with daily chores around my house. There was a time when I equated my dislike of housework and my often messy home with a lack of faith on my part, but this was no necessarily true. I watched older women of faith keep things spic and span and perfectly tidy and figured that it meant I was a bad Christian as well as being a bad housekeeper. While I know that clutter is not good for my family and it is healthier to have a clean home, I also know that it is possible to get so caught up in cleaning that you miss the things that God has put right in front of you. My husband’s grandmother spent years keeping a clean house and then realized that she could never go back. She has encouraged me to forget about stressing over it and just enjoy my kids while they are young. I am trying to take that advice and put it into practice while keeping balance in my home.
As for the kind of fruit we are bearing - our houses may be cluttered and in need of vacuuming, but if we are reaching out to others, putting God first in our lives, loving our children and spouses as we are taught to, we will be bearing good fruit.
I feel a little distracted right now (Erik’s crying is not helping with this), so hopefully this comes out making sense. Thanks for reading!
This verse of the day comes from VOTD
Filed under: Faith, Home Sweet Home, Life, in general, The H Word | Tags: housework, Matthew 6:8, perspective, Philippians 4:13, prayer, Psalm 36:7, Psalm 81:6
For a reminder of what I am doing this month, read this post.
Psalm 36:7
How precious is your unfailing love, O God! All humanity finds shelter in the shadow of your wings.
No explanation for why VOTD had no verse for March 31, but today’s verse was an April Fool’s joke (not appreciated, although it was funny), so we are back to Air1 for our verse of the day today.
I have just returned from an awesome prayer meeting with three of the girls from my Thursday morning Bible study. We are all young moms, which certainly makes it easier to understand what the others are going through, and I think it also made praying together more natural. We met after our kids were in bed, which further enhanced the experience, since for the most part, we weren’t spending time worrying about them.
This verse is therefore so appropriate for today, even though I have only read it just now, after eleven at night. I felt as though we really were under His wings tonight, and that He was there with us, listening to our requests, both mundane (in our eyes) and serious. We prayed for our families, for pregnancies, for health, healing, wisdom, encouragement, peace, patience, and so much more, and through it all, He was with us. I felt led to other scriptures during our time praying and they, too, were proof of His presence. I have forgotten over time what it feels like to be in His presence daily, but I want that to change. I truly want to see His unfailing love as precious, and to take shelter in the shadow of His wings.
I spent the first twelve hours of my day running here and there, doing errands and cleaning my house, taking a break in the middle to share some sushi with a dear friend who kept my kids for me during most of this time. I feel very satisfied with the work I got done, but it all pales in comparison to the feeling I had during that prayer meeting. It really put things in perspective for me, anyway.
Now I just have to hope I get enough sleep to be awake during Bible study tomorrow. I suggested to the girls that maybe Wednesday nights are not the best night to meet, as it gets late and we all have to get up early the next morning. It sounds like this may be happening as often as every two weeks, which I would really enjoy and benefit from.
Anyway, may you look at things in perspective today – even if your house is a wreck, God is listening, watching and loving you every minute. If your life is a wreck (even if your house is clean), this is still true. Nothing you have done can take His love away – it is unconditional and eternal. He knows your needs before you have even asked Him (Matthew 6:8), He will take the burden from your shoulders (Psalm 81:6) and you can do all things through Him who gives you strength (Philippians 4:13)!
For a reminder of what I am doing this month, read this post.
Psalm 18:1
I love you, Lord; you are my strength.
For some reason, VOTD has not posted a new verse of the day for today, so I searched “March 31, 2009 verse of the day” and this one came up, from www.air1.com. Not where I would have searched for a verse of the day, but it will do.
This is simplicity in a verse. I do love my Saviour, and He is my strength. The key here is acknowledging day in, day out, that He is my strength and He alone. Without Him I am nothing, and I can accomplish nothing. I have tried this path in the past, and it leads to destruction and disappointment. If I hold onto my love for Him, and continue to get to know Him each day, this strength can truly be felt in my life. It is similar (although far greater) to my relationship with Mike. I love him, and he is a great help to me. He can help lift me up when I fall down and is always a shoulder I can cry on. When I work towards better knowing and understanding my husband, I love him more and am more accepting of the strength he offers to me. Take this earthly relationship and multiply it by thousands upon thousands, and this is what God offers us – unconditional love, a constant listening ear, forgiveness from all our sins, eternal life with Him.
Today, I felt God’s strength in tangible ways – patience with my children (not at each moment, but better than most days), motivation to work in my home. I made caramelized onions and vegetable soup, using all the produce I spent so much money on to make nourishing and tasty things for my family to eat. The vegetable soup is my effort to feed the kids veggies without them balking at the plate. I pureed it and they haven’t had it like that yet, so we’ll see if it works. Erik did have some that I put through the hand mill and he seemed to enjoy it.
Tomorrow I have the day off, or mostly, from my oldest children. I’m running errands in the morning while they all stay with my friend, and then I’ll have lunch with them and take Erik home with me to get some house work done. I’m trying to do some work now so that I can get more accomplished tomorrow, but it’s hard to know where to start. At the very least, I need to get laundry done today, even if I have to do it after Mike gets home.
Anyway, I know that all this will get done and it will be easier to do if I don’t think of it as too trivial to ask God to help me. He cares about my home life and my family and can help me even in this thing that I hate doing – cleaning.
