Brace yourselves, I’m about to complain.
Where do I start? Oh, right, with my breasts. Shocking and crude? Not quite.
Well, I’m breastfeeding, and sometimes when you’re breastfeeding, you get plugged milk ducts or something else that gives you an infection. I had four infections when I was nursing Jenny and five with Elias. At the rate I’m going with Erik, I’ll almost constantly have them this time. I don’t understand why I get them – I wish I did. My first infection with Erik started two weeks ago tomorrow. I took grapefruit seed extract three times a day for three days and it was gone. One week after the beginning of that one, I had one in the other breast. I tried a slightly different treatment – three times a day, but for four or five days (honestly, I got a bit busy and kept forgetting to take them). For the last few days, I’ve felt perfectly normal. This morning I got up to get Erik and felt really full, so I nursed him on the side that felt worse and thought it was better. Now I’ve spent most of the day feeling rotten and pained – on both sides! I finally decided that I was just going to go to the doctor. With the other kids, I almost always went and got put on antibiotics. The grapfruit seed extract was supposed to help me avoid that. Now I figure that I should probably go on antibiotics for a week and totally rid myself of the infections and then start taking the extract and maybe garlic pills to prevent the infection. I’m not sure if it will work, but I can’t live with having an infection every week, and taking three pills a day every day will get expensive.
So, add to the illness the fact that in the in-between times I can’t seem to get much done around the house. The kids are hanging on me and testing my patience and by the time they’re napping, I’m wiped out myself. Ideally, I would have a break from them when I’m really sick and when I’m really well. If I’m sick and they’re not here, I can rest and work on getting better. If I’m well and they’re not here, I can get things done. Unfortunately, I don’t really have anyone here who I can go to for that sort of break. My mother lives twenty-something hours away and my mother-in-law works. Mike has been working late almost every night of the week and worked six and a half hours on Saturday which left me at home with the kids six days in a row (or at least most of six days).
I dream of getting better and getting the house in order so I can actually do some of the things I’ve been wanting to do.
I want to write more. I want to be creative; paint, sew, finish the projects that I started such a long time ago. I want to turn on music and feel like singing and dancing. I want to go for walks.
Right now, I just want to sleep. My head is starting to feel funny. I feel all tilted and strange, like my center of gravity is off or something. My hands feel miles away from me and I feel tipped over, even though I’m more or less sitting up straight. It’s the infection talking, I know, but it does not make it easier to put up with.
Whine, whine. I know, but someday I’ll be back to normal and I can be upbeat and positive and…normal.