This is getting ridiculous

Brace yourselves, I’m about to complain.

Where do I start?  Oh, right, with my breasts.  Shocking and crude?  Not quite.

Well, I’m breastfeeding, and sometimes when you’re breastfeeding, you get plugged milk ducts or something else that gives you an infection.  I had four infections when I was nursing Jenny and five with Elias.  At the rate I’m going with Erik, I’ll almost constantly have them this time.  I don’t understand why I get them – I wish I did.  My first infection with Erik started two weeks ago tomorrow.  I took grapefruit seed extract three times a day for three days and it was gone.  One week after the beginning of that one, I had one in the other breast.  I tried a slightly different treatment – three times a day, but for four or five days (honestly, I got a bit busy and kept forgetting to take them).  For the last few days, I’ve felt perfectly normal.  This morning I got up to get Erik and felt really full, so I nursed him on the side that felt worse and thought it was better.  Now I’ve spent most of the day feeling rotten and pained – on both sides!  I finally decided that I was just going to go to the doctor.  With the other kids, I almost always went and got put on antibiotics.  The grapfruit seed extract was supposed to help me avoid that.  Now I figure that I should probably go on antibiotics for a week and totally rid myself of the infections and then start taking the extract and maybe garlic pills to prevent the infection.  I’m not sure if it will work, but I can’t live with having an infection every week, and taking three pills a day every day will get expensive.

So, add to the illness the fact that in the in-between times I can’t seem to get much done around the house.  The kids are hanging on me and testing my patience and by the time they’re napping, I’m wiped out myself.  Ideally, I would have a break from them when I’m really sick and when I’m really well.  If I’m sick and they’re not here, I can rest and work on getting better.  If I’m well and they’re not here, I can get things done.  Unfortunately, I don’t really have anyone here who I can go to for that sort of break.  My mother lives twenty-something hours away and my mother-in-law works.  Mike has been working late almost every night of the week and worked six and a half hours on Saturday which left me at home with the kids six days in a row (or at least most of six days).

I dream of getting better and getting the house in order so I can actually do some of the things I’ve been wanting to do.

I want to write more.  I want to be creative; paint, sew, finish the projects that I started such a long time ago.  I want to turn on music and feel like singing and dancing.  I want to go for walks.

Right now, I just want to sleep.  My head is starting to feel funny.  I feel all tilted and strange, like my center of gravity is off or something.  My hands feel miles away from me and I feel tipped over, even though I’m more or less sitting up straight.  It’s the infection talking, I know, but it does not make it easier to put up with.

Whine, whine.  I know, but someday I’ll be back to normal and I can be upbeat and positive and…normal.

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Filed under Art, Illness and Injury, Life, in general, The H Word

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