Today is not a good day. I have too much on my mind, too many things to do, not enough in my stomach and not nearly enough patience or clear thought to work through it all. I have six days before I go for more surgery and I still have so much to do. Meals must be made and frozen, the house must be cleaned decently, groceries must be stocked up.
Erik won’t sleep because he had a short nap earlier today in the car and then when I brought him inside. It’s my own fault. I should have woken him up instead of letting him sleep. This happened yesterday, too. I have insane pressure in my head and pain in my jaw and this awful feeling at the back of my throat that will not go away. I can’t decide if that part is something related to my wisdom teeth coming out, or my tonsils needing to.
I would love to do something really mindless right now. Or relaxing. But in the background is Erik crying and crying. And I’m not really sure if I can just let him cry today.
I also discovered that while Erik will not drink much milk from a cup, he will drink it from a bottle, which is nearly heartbreaking for me. I am so not a bottle person and didn’t want to be. Now I’m worried that if he needs something more than solid food when I’m having my surgery, he’ll have to be given a bottle. I don’t want bottle-fed children!!! My babies are breast babies!
In addition to all this, I am getting worried that my swap package is lost in the mail somewhere in the states. I have insurance on it, but no tracking numbers, so I have no idea where it is. My partner’s package for me is also not here yet. I mean, it seems a little trivial compared to the rest of it, but getting my package or my partner getting hers would cheer me up a bit.
I’m not on serious pain medication, but I feel like I am because my brain doesn’t feel quite right. I feel fuzzy, and I’m guessing it is from lack of sleep. Erik slept with us last night and I think I’m just going to let him do it for the next six days. I may have to wean him cold-turkey depending on how I’m doing after surgery, so I may as well give him what he wants now. I end up sleeping more if I leave him in bed with us than if I keep putting him back to bed or refusing to feed him.
I think I’ll go get a book, bring Erik into the backyard and use my nice comfy chair for an hour or so. I won’t have much longer than that because Mike will come home and I’ll have to come inside, do dishes, make supper and take care of things I’ve been avoiding all day.
Sorry this is such a downer. I just needed to vent.