Oh, my poor blog, I’m sorry. I just can’t seem to find the motivation to write these days. Or the time. Crafting and feeling sick has taken up my time lately and I have neglected you.
I am eagerly awaiting the end of certain responsibilities in my real life and looking forward to simpler times. I am waiting to get a deep breath of figurative fresh air. I am holding off on dreaming much lately because I can’t stand the pain of waking and finding these dreams to be impossibilities.
I am lonely as of late – spending a lot of time at home, wishing for friends who are not here. Trying to keep busy with craft swaps and cyber-friends so that I don’t think much about my loneliness. I’ve been here before – it’s nothing new – but I never imagined it happening again. With each child, my heart becomes fuller but my life becomes more isolated.
I yearn for a vacation – a real one. I worry that the vacation we are planning will fall through for one reason or another. That money will be too tight, that we won’t have people to watch our children or that we will just let it slide like we have in the past. It has always been my goal to go away for a bit when expecting another baby and yet it’s never happened. Sometimes I question my motives – ask myself whether it’s okay to want this so much, just a week with Mike and no one else.
My enthusiasm for projects I’ve started has waned, but I must finish. I’m in two more craft swaps and then it will probably be in my best interest to stay out of any unless they are very small. It’s enjoyable at times and the chance to make a sort of friend does seem to make my quality of life somewhat better for a time. But when it comes down to it, it’s just more to get done in the day, more money to spend, more things to fill the space I don’t have.
So, dear journal of sorts (you know how I feel about the word blog), I’m sorry I’ve left you alone for so long, but I simply do not have inspiration as of late. I only have a sick stomach and an overwhelmed mind.