There was one day when I kissed my kids goodnight and cried, thinking I’d be in the hospital dying before they were awake the next morning. I have never felt so awful in my life and I was sure there was no way I would make it through. I know it sounds dramatic, but it was honestly felt. I just couldn’t bear the thought of not seeing them again. With that was the thought that even if I lived, I would lose this precious life I am carrying. My mother said that swine flu was a very bad thing to have when you’re pregnant and my doctor had told me that she knew one person who had miscarried. I tried all I could to not be afraid, but sometimes it’s easier to succumb to it than fight it off.
Late Tuesday night, after being so sure of death at the end of this, I threw up. It was pregnancy related and not from the flu at all and somehow I felt a lot better afterward. Maybe it was life reminding me of its determination to keep me, or my baby telling me – as Mike said – that I wasn’t about to take it down with me. The unfortunate thing is that overnight, I ended up with a splitting earache – a second trip to the doctor confirmed an ear infection. An ear infection!! My kids get ear infections, I do not. But apparently swine flu put me into a childlike state physically speaking (and at times, emotionally). Thankfully antibiotics fixed that problem quickly – I was over the pain after less than two days.
On Thursday the boys came down with swine flu. We called the doctor and after describing Erik’s symptoms, including respirations and heart rate, she prescribed tamiflu for him. I thought I was saved a third trip to the clinic, but when I got to the pharmacy, the prescription wasn’t there and I had to go in anyway to straighten things out. This was of course, breaking my bed rest yet again, but I figured that a drive to the pharmacy would be less work than watching the kids if Mike went to get it. It would have been were it not for the additional drive and walk into the clinic. I felt like falling over as soon as I got home.
If I’ve learned anything, it’s that swine flu takes it out of you. And swine flu plus pregnancy equals misery. But I’m getting over it – still coughing a bit and still very tired. I felt like tackling my kitchen today, it was in such a state, but after I got up and fed the kids breakfast and put on a movie for them, I knew it wouldn’t be happening. I’ll be lucky if I feel up to it by the end of the week. Mike is back to work today but was home all last week and we didn’t go anywhere for more than a few minutes – and that was just sending Mike out to get Tylenol or food. We had a few very kind women (my mother-in-law and sister-in-law included) who brought us meals and baked things. I have more cookies, buns and treats in my house right now than I have at any Christmas past. Just a few minutes ago, a friend and her daughter came by and gave us a bag full of snacks. My friend said that her daughter decided that they needed to get us a present – she is good friends with Jenny and has been since birth. It’s nice having so many people thinking about us and praying for us, but it will be even nicer to get out of here and see some of them.
We’re watching a move tonight and I’m just hoping I won’t regret it – for both the sake of the content and subject of the movie, and for staying up for the next few hours. Tomorrow afternoon I have my first maternity appointment and I’ll be able to confirm the health of this little life I’m carrying.