I’m not good at it. Dealing with stress, trouble, illness, debt, etc. Rather bad, actually. My brain wants to shut down. I decided this morning that what I’d really like to do is crawl into a hole for six months and just spend all my time writing songs about the hole. Visitors are welcome, stress is most definitely not.
My household is sick again. Nothing but a head cold (so far) this time, but it’s bad enough. I’m constantly wiping noses – my kids and my own – and my body just wants to stay in bed and recover. I took Erik to the pediatrician yesterday and did not like the outcome – more pushing for us to get the H1N1 vaccine and the seasonal flu shot. We had H1N1 – my doctor is quite sure of this – but it isn’t good enough because it wasn’t confirmed by a swab or blood test. And so this insistence on injecting my entire family with a vaccine that has not been tested nearly enough and may quite possibly cause serious harm to a large number of people who have rushed out to get it. Maybe we won’t see the effects right away, but what about five or ten years from now? I’m up in the air about the seasonal flu vaccine – I got it quite often as a kid but am not sure how I feel about it in regards to my own children. I will have to take Erik in next week for booster shots on immunizations he has already received and I know I’m going to get the same spiel from the public health nurses – if you did not have a confirmed case of swine flu, you MUST get the vaccine and you should get the seasonal because you’re pregnant and two of your children have breathing problems.
I ache to live in simpler times. No, I don’t want the terrible diseases that people once died from regularly or the struggle to survive past a certain age, but I really wish for a time when the medical establishment was not so interfering. When our decisions were respected instead of scoffed at. I think perhaps I need to go live with a bunch of hippies because I know I wouldn’t have to deal with it there. I have considered taking my children to a naturopath, but according to friends who have seen her, she recommends the same thing for all her patients: no more gluten. Unless my child is suffering from celiac disease, I am not going to cut all gluten from our diet. Not happening, end of story. I want to find preventative things I can do – things I can add to our diet or take away without greatly altering our way of life. You have to draw the line somewhere, after all.
Meanwhile, all this brain noise is coming one week before Christmas. One week. When my gifts to my family are not in the mail yet and therefore will not be getting there in time. When my exchange gift for my sister-in-law is still not purchased, no baking has been done and no wrapping of gifts either. We just got our kids through their church Christmas program on Sunday, so at least that is behind us – but all the other responsibilities of the season are upon me. When did it become so complicated to celebrate the birth of Christ?! When did it become so stressful? And how on earth can I get to a place of peace and rest and simple appreciation for the holiday?
Anyway, as soon as I find a nice warm hole to crawl into, I’ll let you all know and send out the dinner party invitations. Mind you, I won’t be preparing any of the said dinner, but you’re welcome to come over and bring me food. Just remember – leave all stress and unwanted advice at the door.