What to do when nearly seven months pregnant and bored?
Nope, don’t clean your house. Don’t do dishes or laundry or anything else that’s overly productive. Baking cookies is okay, but only if you eat half of what you bake immediately. Taking a nap is okay, too, but if your four and a half year old won’t be quiet enough for you to sleep, feel free to get up and eat some more cookies.
Today was my first day home from Bible study since deciding to quit. We finished our study last week and I had already said that it would be my last time. Babysitting issues were getting messy and complicated and it got to the point where it was only my kids and one other family who were going anyway. That mom decided to quit as well.
Sleeping in and not worrying about being in a rush this morning was great. I will surely have those early mornings still, when appointments or events force me out of the house before eleven. But I think for now, this is good for me. It’s not about the study itself, although our numbers of younger women had really dwindled. It’s just that as pregnant as I am and as busy as my kids are, it was getting hard to pack them all up, take them to church before ten and then pack them up and bring them home at noon every Thursday. I’m a homebody and not afraid to admit it. These other moms who have their kids in a different event each day (dance, soccer, hockey, gymnastics, piano, skating, swimming, etc) are brave, but make me feel a little like I’m going to pee my pants in terror. Or maybe that’s just my pregnant bladder. Either way, I just couldn’t do it. Maybe that’s yet another reason that homeschooling appeals to me. It’s certainly not at the top of my list, but getting to stay home and not worry about running this kid to that school and picking that one up at such a time from the other school will be nice.
But the big question in my mind is now – what to do? I know I need fellowship with other moms or I’ll lose my mind. I see my sister-in-law a few times a week on average, which is great, but I need other friends, too. I don’t think joining another Bible study is the answer but I’m also not sure if just hanging out with other women is quite enough. And mornings are definitely out. If this study had been later in the day or in the evenings sans children, I would have been less likely to quit. I’m just really not a morning person.
So…what do I do? For now, I suppose I just keep reading my Bible on my own, working through my women of the Bible devotional, taking care of my kids and husband and attempting to keep my house from going completely to pot. And I wait.
God spoke something into me about a month ago – that he was going to give me “new” strength. I didn’t really understand it until I went to Break Forth and then it made a bit more sense. I can see now how I’ve walked away gradually from all my outside comittments in the past year, ending with this Bible study. I really do believe that He has something else for me to draw strength from. And yes, I know I need to draw my strength from Him, but I also know that He places a need in each of us to have fellowship with and discipleship from others. I know He has someone or some group of people for me – a friend or friends who will walk by me and be a support in some way to me. It’s hard to wait on this and not have a clue where it’s going to come from, but I know that’s all I can do for now. And when something catches my eye – an advertisement or invitation to some event involving other women – I’ll give it thought and prayer and see what happens.