I was having a snuggle with Erik this morning before we got up and was thinking about things changing soon when the baby is in bed with me instead of Erik. It’s truly bittersweet. I love my times with him in the morning while he has his cup of milk and a cuddle. It made me think about the special relationship I have with each of my kids. Then it dawned on me – I have that to look forward to very soon – another unique relationship with this child. My relationship with each of them is different and as they grow it continues to change. Erik doesn’t talk much yet so ours is more physical – hugs and kisses and lots of mommy taking care of his basic needs. Elias and Jenny never stop talking and understand deeper concepts than Erik does – obviously. I can have a conversation with Jenny and if she’s in the right mood (as in, not off in her own world), she understands and responds – albeit in the way a child under five would. Elias is harder to actually converse with but does listen and respond as well. Elias tends to react the most lately to my being gone – he will cry on and off for the few hours I’m gone by myself, while Jenny and Erik don’t ever do that. I’m not sure if it’s his age or the thought of another baby soon coming to take up more of my time, but he’s rather heart melting right now.
Anyway, all that to say that it was a good bit of reflection and looking forward that I did this morning. I will have a relationship with this child that will be shaped by many factors – by whether it is a boy or a girl, his or her birth order (if this turns out to be our last – you never know – or not), relationships with the other kids and with Mike.
It would be great if I could keep my mind busy all the time with looking forward to the baby’s birth (among other things), rather than frustration that it isn’t here yet. Because goodness knows I’m feeling that an awful lot. I can only keep my hands busy with cleaning, cooking or crafting for so much of the day before my energy just plain runs out on me.