This took me all of five minutes to write – if that. It shakes me right down to my core. Please pray.
I’m lost and slipping farther away by the minute it seems
No longer even bothering to reach out to catch something
That will hold me
Keeping up appearances for their own sake
I can only hold this pose so long.
At what point do I step away,
Search on my own
Give up things held dear
To find a better way?
To find the truth?
To find hope?
I am unsure of how long I’ve been gone
A revelation and a change call out to me
From the past
Something that didn’t last when mixed in with reality
Babies crying and children growing and husbands coming and going
And here I am in the middle of it all.
I’m afraid of becoming numb
I’m afraid of focusing on the wrong thing
I’m afraid of falling farther away than ever before
And it seems I’m doing just that
Hatred is not the opposite of love
I once believed
I still believe
I ache for something tangible
Something I can hold on to
Day after day
While I live in this monotony.
I don’t hate my life.
I’m beginning to fear for my heart
A frog in a pot of water,
And all that.
I’ve heard it before
Shook my head
That will never be me.
I’m becoming that frog.
One day at a time
One step away
One more day without joy
When did I become so lost?
Where is the way?
And then a whispered answer in the night comes to me without bidding:
“I AM the way.”