I have issues.

Sometimes I’m faced with a situation and I know the right way to respond as an adult.  It is often possible for me to control the way I react on the outside, but my emotions go crazy inside.

I tend to react strongest to situations I feel left out of; two friends going for coffee when I was home, bored, two family members (or units) getting together for a meal and not inviting us, a conversation two feet from me that I wish I could be included in but for some reason am being excluded from.

I assume that there is something from my childhood that makes me react this way, but I can’t say what it is exactly.  I have abandonment issues because of my mom leaving when I was young, but I’m not sure that this is completely born out if that situation. 

I feel that in so many ways I have overcome my past and moved on, but this is one area I can’t seem to move beyond.  I am brought nearly to tears when I find out that close friends or family members were doing things without me.  I feel alone and I feel sad even when I may have been feeling just fine moments before. 

How in the world do I get over something like this?  I don’t have the answer and I wish I did.



Filed under Melancholy

4 responses to “I have issues.

  1. Anounymous

    you know.. I wish I had the answer to this as well.. because I feel exactly the same way.. hmm.. too bad we live so far apart..

    • Katie

      Yeah, no kidding..whenever we got offended/hurt/etc we could just call each other up and go for coffee. 🙂

  2. I think you need therapy with a good Christian woman. This sounds not nice but I tend to blurt out what is helping me. You need someone to normalize your thoughts and who you can bounce off your inner struggle who is unbiased. I am working through tons of things that I have thought I have gotten over or maybe even have gotten over, but this is bringing me new insight.
    And I know you don’t have time or a babysitter but make it work cause you are important and need to be the best you for your kids. At least that is what people keep preaching to me.

    • Katie

      I tried counselling once and it’s sort of put me off of the idea. I know they’re not all the same, but it’s hard for me to get past my experience from when I was younger.
      I’m supposed to be this balanced, normal person who has everything under control. I get all these compliments about my kids and how I appear to be a good mother and I feel like laughing…because I don’t feel like I have it under control.
      I’m afraid if I go, things will only get worse. I don’t think I want to open some of the closed doors in my mind. Scary stuff in there. I have it together just enough to get through and appear balanced and normal (since so many people seem to believe it of me)…I’m afraid if I admit that I’m not all of those things, everything will fall apart.

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