Results to come

I saw the doctor today.  I had a full physical that was almost entirely conducted by a student – but hey, they’ve got to get their practice in somewhere.  I will go for bloodwork as soon as possible to see if this is possibly a thyroid problem or other physical issue that is causing my “mood” problems.  I think the student was leaning pretty heavily towards post-partum depression, but he did say that we would only address that as a problem if all the bloodwork comes back normal.

So, for now, I’m still in limbo.  I was explaining to the student today that I tend to have anywhere from two to ten days of down, followed by no more than two days of up  – the kind of up that feels manic and unnatural – and then I tend to go back to “normal” for awhile.  This isn’t constant and I do have months sometimes when I stay “normal” the whole time.  But I just don’t feel like myself.  Even my doctor said that I’m right – there is something wrong because, as she put it, I “don’t have that customary sparkle in your eyes”.  I’m glad I have such an observant doctor. 🙂

I’m feeling….okay, lately.  I’ve been baking which often makes me feel better.  There’s something therapeutic about working in the kitchen.  I’m glad I have that, anyway.  Christmas doesn’t hold its usual allure for me this year.  Last year I got my feelings hurt pretty badly and then beat myself up for hours on Christmas Eve – “no one cares about me” and all that.  In some ways, the offense was rather silly, and in others, it makes sense and I suspect that most people would react negatively to it.  But anyway, I’m sure that last years experience makes me a little less excited for this year.  I’m trying not to set myself up for disappointment, but I find myself doing it all the time anyway.

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Filed under Life, in general, Melancholy

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