I’m writing again, just not here.
Here I am: http://www.howtobeamama.com
What can I say? It’s summer time. Mind you, we’ve spent half our summer so far dealing with record rainfall, but still. There have been many trips to the park, a visit from my dad, Canada Day celebrations and lots of days playing in the backyard on the trampoline.
And now I’m going to get busier for the next two weeks with VBS. We are doing a pioneer theme and I’m running the memory verse room for the younger kids (4-6 years old or so). I get to set it up like a pioneer schoolroom, something I first saw as very challenging but now am having a good deal of fun with.
Anyway, I’m not making any promises regarding new material in the next few weeks. Maybe when things slow down at the end of the month.
I hope you’re all having a fantastic summer!
Psst…check it out: Ben is on Today’s Letters for Fist Pump Friday! If you haven’t given this blog a read yet, DO IT! It’s always fun and a bit sappy, which is completely appropriate for a happy, healthy marriage. 🙂
Is it better to write what I’m feeling, even if it sounds like complaining, or write only when I have something good to say?
Is it better to write emotionally or avoid writing altogether when I’m not feeling great?
Is it better to gloss over the bad stuff or tell it like it is?
I was reading a blog recently and noticed that it had more than forty followers, even though it doesn’t seem like the author is anyone well known. I asked myself why she would have so many more readers than I would – seeing that she is also a stay at home mom/homemaker. I thought it through for a very short time, coming to the quick conclusion that she is almost always positive. She rarely complains, writes often about her love for her kids and her husband and when she does talk about the rough parts of motherhood, she does so with humour or with requests for prayer.
I would like to be more like her. I don’t know if she writes this way intentionally, trying to be positive even if she might not feel like being positive, or if she is truly this positive all the time. If she does it intentionally even when she feels like complaining, I understand her and envy her for her ability to avoid negativity. I wish I could do the same. I suppose with practice I could.
There are three camps of people I communicate with regularly; the people who don’t have kids and don’t really care when I talk about the negative things, the people with kids who understand why I do it and commiserate with me, and the people who want kids and can’t have them and for whom complaining mothers are heartbreaking and impossible to understand. I don’t want to offend people, so when I share things on Facebook I try to avoid being too negative.
But here I feel freedom to say what I want to say. What is more important to me? Saying what I feel: that life is hard, that I’m depressed (there, I said it), that my kids sometimes just don’t listen to me and it drives me crazy, that my husband works too much and if I could, I would never leave the house? Or is attracting readers and making them feel good more important?
This is a hard question for me to answer. When I read other blogs that are filled with negative thinking and complaining, it bugs me. I don’t feel like going on reading them when there is hardly ever anything positive shared in them. I don’t want to make other people feel that way.
The question is still not answered. I’m not sure that it ever will be.
My apologies for my lengthy absence. At least I think it was lengthy. I was thinking about the blog recently and realizing that I’ve gotten pretty far away from my original purpose. I had a plan with this one – to give other bad housekeepers the comfort that comes in knowing that you are not alone. Now if I had miraculously changed and become the perfect little housewife, it would make sense that things would change, but things are more or less as they were when I started: messy. I have about a dozen different areas in my house that need a LOT of work right now and about an ounce of motivation to work on them. I am much more interested in reading, crafting or just lying around being lazy. And pregnancy doesn’t help this lack of motivation.
Anyway, I don’t have time right now for a long post as I have to pack up a baby gift, clear all the snow off my van, have sandwiches ready for Mike and drive the gift to the church when he comes home for lunch. I am going to a partylite party tonight so I won’t be able to make it to the baby shower happening at the church. I don’t plan to buy a single thing at the party, but the hostess is a good friend and I told her I’d be a body for her so she has enough people.
If I have a bit more time in the afternoon, I may write a bit more about the house then, but otherwise, it will probably be later in the week.
Oh, my poor blog, I’m sorry. I just can’t seem to find the motivation to write these days. Or the time. Crafting and feeling sick has taken up my time lately and I have neglected you.
I am eagerly awaiting the end of certain responsibilities in my real life and looking forward to simpler times. I am waiting to get a deep breath of figurative fresh air. I am holding off on dreaming much lately because I can’t stand the pain of waking and finding these dreams to be impossibilities.
I am lonely as of late – spending a lot of time at home, wishing for friends who are not here. Trying to keep busy with craft swaps and cyber-friends so that I don’t think much about my loneliness. I’ve been here before – it’s nothing new – but I never imagined it happening again. With each child, my heart becomes fuller but my life becomes more isolated.
I yearn for a vacation – a real one. I worry that the vacation we are planning will fall through for one reason or another. That money will be too tight, that we won’t have people to watch our children or that we will just let it slide like we have in the past. It has always been my goal to go away for a bit when expecting another baby and yet it’s never happened. Sometimes I question my motives – ask myself whether it’s okay to want this so much, just a week with Mike and no one else.
My enthusiasm for projects I’ve started has waned, but I must finish. I’m in two more craft swaps and then it will probably be in my best interest to stay out of any unless they are very small. It’s enjoyable at times and the chance to make a sort of friend does seem to make my quality of life somewhat better for a time. But when it comes down to it, it’s just more to get done in the day, more money to spend, more things to fill the space I don’t have.
So, dear journal of sorts (you know how I feel about the word blog), I’m sorry I’ve left you alone for so long, but I simply do not have inspiration as of late. I only have a sick stomach and an overwhelmed mind.
L.H.passed me the Kreativ Blogger Award. While the spelling of creative makes me feel a little like throwing up (I hate bad grammar and spelling, no matter how cute it’s supposed to be), I’ll play along. 😉 Any recipient of this award is asked to write a post listing 7 things they love and then pass the award on to 7 other bloggersso they can write a list and pass the award on as well. I’m going to wrack my brain for seven other bloggers to pass this to….but first, my list.
Seven Things I love
1. I love living in the north – while the winters are long, my favourite days are actually right in the middle of winter, when the sun is bright, the sky is blue and the trees are frosty. It’s absolutely beautiful.
2. I love the weirdness of my children. I’ve always been a little off my rocker (jk..but really not too far from the truth) so it’s fun to see my kids inherit the same sense of humour.
3. I love my Thursday morning ladies Bible study and the friends I have there, young and old. The chance to read the Bible together and study and discuss what we learn has been so valuable. The friends I’ve made have all meant so much to me since we started up almost two years ago. I miss the ones who have gone and enjoy the new ones who come along.
4. I love that Facebook has allowed me to stay connected to my friends and family back home and to share photos and stories with them so easily.
5. I love the smell of new babies. The feel of new babies, the look of new babies…etc. etc.
6. I love to eat. I love that God made so many flavours available to us and that everything doesn’t just “taste like chicken”. I’m so thankful for my sense of taste. 🙂
7. I love being creative. Whether that is through writing or creating arts or crafts, it’s one of my favourite parts of living.
And now, I pass this award on to:
1. Carly and
L.H. took the only other blog I regularly read that isn’t a food blog. 😉 I thought I could scrounge up seven, but it’s just not going to happen. No telling if these girls will follow suit and write on this award. We’ll see….